A prayer in prose - for America. It's gettin' up time!

         Capitalism, Socialism, Facism…Communism.  It is crucial to the understanding of these varied systems to acknowledge their two differing arms.   The first is the level and mechanisms of governmental representation.  The second is the economic system which simultaneously feeds into and grows from that government.

The time has come to officially put the lid on the introductory phase of American history.  Beginning in earnest circa 1775, the USA moved like a mogul skier; from one cresting mound of fresh uncertainty to another, capitalizing (pun intended) on each conflict, period of uncertainty or cultural reshaping to develop new technologies, industries and opportunities from which the creative and earnest could derive a better standard of living if they desired.

Each geographic boom time has served our country well.  We moved from the Atlantic coast to the Ohio Valley to the Great Plains and Deep South, across the Continental Divide and the West Coast in huge chunks.  Though the pieces were acquired in large parcels, the settling took much longer.  Technology has made the miles as inches, and the country has no tangible frontier remaining over the horizon.  The Alaskan/Hawaiian expansions are now well over 50 years on.  What you see of America is pretty much what you’re going to get.

Each technological boom time has served equally well.  From the age of the cotton gin (and it’s onerous resulting slave need) to the railroads, industrial revolution, public works projects, post-war health care and transportation explosions, and suburban sprawl – each huge wave brought a galaxy of opportunity for innovation and exploration into areas that cost much, benefited much, and kept the wheel turning.

We spent 225 years in a marvelous back-and-forth of mostly proportional growth and prosperity out of which our grand experiment grew into the most wonderful standard of living known since the Renaissance…only on a much larger scale.

Then, things became a little dicey.  As my father (the great Jedi Master Barry Herman – almost a Nobel level economist) would say, “we got a little too cute”.

Like the old “towns” in a low-budget Western movie, we began pouring inordinately large chunks of our gross domestic economy into “industries” that had façades, but nothing behind them.  They benefited virtually no one, yet the puppeteers maintained the conviction that their continued expansion of wealth would eventually benefit all.  The number of people who still believe this is rather small.  This is not an indictment of wealth on any level; rather a question of how such wealth is obtained.  To say that each deserves the fruit of his labors is a wonderful axiom – except when used by a thief, con-man or crook (regardless of whether they use a six shooter or smart phone).  Bernie Madoff is not the disease.  He is an unapologetic symptom.

            In generations gone by, this disparity was mostly balanced (i.e. the age of Morgan, Carnegie, Rockefeller, Ford, etc.) by the collateral industries they spawned.  For every House of Morgan bond issue, there was a smaller company being financed and jobs being generated.  For every million in Carnegie steel fortune, there were hundreds of miles of trains and tracks to be built, along with the more modest “fortunes” of those who made those other firms prosper.  While Henry Ford built a magnificent empire on the back of the Model T, countless others built their own bedrock on the parts and labor of those assembly lines’ output.

            The entertainment of years past reflected our dreams and achievements.  They stood as a diversion from the hard work at hand.  These days, the work has become the diversion.

            As the 40 hour work week of one wage earner in a single family fades to yore, we trace its erosion and ponder its possible rebirth.

            Our heroes were always the leaders of rather uniform origin; politics, military service, sports, legend, scientific exploration and industry – to name a few.  Sadly (in some ways), the advent of 24/7/365 information has made it possible to dethrone, deconstruct, discredit and destroy any hero.  Would Abraham Lincoln or FDR even get through the primaries today?  I doubt it.  Would US Grant or George Patton rise past the level of Colonel in the face of their shortcomings?  No, they would not.  Would Babe Ruth survive one 24 hour ESPN cycle?  Hardly.  Would Paul Bunyan or Johnny Appleseed or Casey Jones be welcomed as warm reminders of pioneer values today as  100 years ago?  Ask a 10 year old and you’ll get your answer.  Ask that same 10 year old who Alan Shepherd or Neil Armstrong were.  Brace yourself for the response.  Eli Whitney, George Washington Carver, Marie Curie, Florence Nightingale…good luck with that.

            Today we have Steve Jobs.  Nice guy.  Cool toys.  So what.

            Today we have Richard Branson.  Flies Big Balloons.  Who does this help?  Oh, yeah.  Him.

            Today we have Donald Trump.  And his contribution to humanity is what, again?

           Since Truman, we have not had one President that is generally looked upon as a statesman, rather than a politician.  Regardless of party, they fall short of that title by the grandest of canyons.

            For all this – we THE PEOPLE – lose on an almost universal basis.

        If the rising tide does not lift all boats in some way, they ocean will not be worth ruling, even for Poseidon, Neptune and their pals.

         Accordingto the US government, the Gross World Product (GWP) is about 62.27 Trillion Dollars.  The debt of the United States is about 14 Trillion Dollars, or almost ¼ of the GWP – that’s the ENTIRE PLANET.

Make no mistake...to dig from a hole this large requires a paradigm shift (remember when that phrase was vogue?)  in personality, persistence and production not seen since 1942.

It is virtually inarguable that our current economic system of production and consumption curves cannot be sustained for very long.  If you were an economist and claimed as much, you would scarcely pass a freshman exam, much less be admired by your peers.

Examples:

1)       Fuel - As the price of fuel eats more of our individual worth on a regular basis, our freedom to move about, explore opportunities and expand our economic reach is crippled.  Our food and basic need become more scarce to acquire, and our standard of living wanes.

2)      Jobs – As we continue recycling the same old positions in the same old stagnating industries, our workforce (and population) continue growing.  The resulting increase in work load on those who do choose to work (rather than collecting from the welfare state - as some do) renders the work-to-pay equation more stressful.   A lack of new frontiers in industry and employment makes the job circulation about as healthy as the air that re-circulates in airline cabins.

3)      Safety – As companies look to cut corners wherever possible, they begin to blur the lines regarding what is acceptable in terms of safety and quality.  More auto recalls, safety violations at factories, power plant safety shortcuts, and understaffed air traffic towers are only a few examples.  How many mines must cave in to realize this?

4)      Public Services – Just as in #3, governments (especially local ones) seek to save where they perceive the chance(s) to do so.  Sanitation, public safety, road repair and education become sitting ducks in the shooting gallery of budget mania.  Sadly, once these services have been funded below a certain level, we become unclean, unsafe, and unintelligent.

5)      Health – As the choices for what to consume and what to do with our time become more dependent on what is possible in the face of declining revenue and leisure opportunity, we make choices as a population and culture that reflect expediency rather than wisdom.  The population gets unhealthier, putting tremendous strain on the already overrun health care system.  The boiling points of stress flare up in places like Columbine, Oklahoma City, Nickel Mines or Tucson. We attribute them to lone nuts.  Could it be the thankfully (relatively) infrequent rage of lunatics…or is it weakened souls pushed over the edge in a society which is seemingly overrun with gloom?

6)      Media – The media is supposed to serve the public trust and the public good by responsible, constructive and forthright reporting on matters or relative importance – not fan the flames of paranoia for the sake of sensationalism and higher as revenue.

A demoralized and downtrodden citizenry does not long for, nor will they be very likely to inspire and produce the leaders of tomorrow.

The special interests that have co-opted our governments have done so with our accord and blessing to the point where the only difference between our system and that of a banana republic is the size of our military and docility of our people.  Ezra Klein recently stated our government has become nothing more than “an insurance company with an army”.  If he is right, it is sad.  If he is wrong…how wrong is he?

The future in our country lies in what Morpheus (in the movie “The Matrix”) refers to as “the real”.   We need REAL innovations, inspiring REAL work, producing REAL leaders and REAL results.

Examples:

1)      Transportation – We need REAL commitment to mass transit.  Our population is growing too fast (MUCH too fast) to ignore this HUGE priority for one year longer.

2)      Locality – We need REAL local industry.  There is no reason our country should be importing so much of its produce and production from far away, causing harm to the environment AND the economy.

3)      Communication – Sensationalism should be cast aside, NOT rewarded.

4)      Creativity – What we need is more than 12 new ways to store our MP3 files.  4D TV does not enhance our standard of living in ways meaningful enough to sustain.  We need new forests planted, new water filtration systems created, and new green energy…not another new brand of Blue Ray player.

5)      Drugs – We need to stop throwing drugs at every tiny ailment, mood swing and panic that comes our way.  The drug resistant super viruses that will result from overuse of antibiotics may end this whole game sooner or later.  How sad that would be for our species.

6)      War – It used to be a last resort.  Now, it’s an opening in the negotiation process.  Mao Ze Dong said “Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun”.  Not many people remember Mao as a role model.  Why, then are we following his advice so pointedly?  Reliance on military might to resolve disputes is endorsement of simmering genocide.

7)      Education – of these seven…easily the most important.  We need to LEAD the world with REAL masters of the sciences and humanities.  We need more mathematicians, cellists, poets, painters and environmental engineers.  We do not need to lead the world in 14 year olds who can master the latest “kill everything in sight” game on their mega box video system.

Thomas Paine wrote “that government governs best which governs least”.  I think he meant that the imbecility and inattentive laziness that leads a group of people to cast their entire fortune with the government will ultimately cause their destruction (especially if those people refuse to keep an eye on their representatives).  It is up to each citizen to embody their own vision of creativity and contribution to the public good and the general welfare.  One such person can become a movement.  One thousand such people can transform a city.  One million such people can transform a country. …and then the world.

This is the crossroads.  As a leader, I embrace the opportunity to do my part.

I have not inherited a finished PRODUCT called humanity.  I am simply adding my contributions to                the PROJECT that is the human race.

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

            -Dylan Thomas

O Me! O Life! – By Walt Whitman

O ME! O life!... of the questions of these recurring;

Of the endless trains of the faithless—of cities fill’d with the foolish; 

Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?) 

Of eyes that vainly crave the light—of the objects mean—of the struggle ever renew’d; Of the                      poor results of all—of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me; 

Of the empty and useless years of the rest—with the rest me intertwined;

The question, O me! so sad, recurring—

What good amid these, O me, O life?    

Answer.

That you are here—that life exists, and identity;  That the powerful play goes on, and you will              contribute a verse.

"Right now is not the fault of the Japanese" - Van Halen

             "Everything counts in large amounts" - Depeche Mode

Peas,

J

           

You want a hero? Here. I found one for you. He can even see Russia from his house...

Sometimes I'll post a blog that is almost entirely the work of another thoughtsmith.  If the writing as message are so pure and perfect, I'd rather just pass those words on and call it a day.

Today is such a day. 

The following story was taken from the book "Everything I Ever Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten" by Robert Fulghum.  I must have given 50 copies of that book as gifts over the years.

Here it is:

          THE RUSSIANS ARE A ROTTEN LOT, immoral, aggressive, ruthless, coarse, and generally evil. They are responsible for most of the troubles in this world. They're not like us.

      That's pretty much the summary of the daily news about the Russians. But sometimes something slips through the net of prejudice, some small bit of a sign that is so clean and true and real that it wedges open the rusting Iron Curtain long enough for us to see not an enemy but fellow travelers, joined to us by membership in the Fellowship of Joy-and-Pain.

        See Nicolai Pestretsov. I don't know much about him, I don't know where he is now, but I'll tell you what I know.

           He was a sergeant major in the Russian army, thirty-six years old. He was stationed in Angola, a long way from home. His wife had come out to visit him.

           On August 24, South African military units entered Angola in an offensive against the black nationalist guerrillas taking sanctuary there. At the village of N-Giva, they encountered a group of Russian soldiers. Four were killed and the rest of the Russians fled„except for Sergeant Major Pestretsov. He was captured, as we know because the South African military communique said: "Sgt. Major Nicolai Pestretsov refused to leave the body of his slain wife, who was killed in the assault on the village."

            It was as if the South Africans could not believe it, for the communique repeated the information. "He went to the body of his wife and would not leave it, although she was dead."

           How strange. Why didn't he run and save his own hide? What made him go back? Is it possible that he loved her? Is it possible that he wanted to hold her in his arms one last time? Is it possible that he needed to cry and grieve? Is it possible that he felt the stupidity of war? Is it possible that he felt the injustice of fate? Is it possible that he thought of children, born or unborn? Is it possible that he didn't care what became of him now?

It's possible. We don't know. Or at least we don't know for certain. But we can guess. His actions answer.

            And so he sits alone in a South African prison. Not a "Russian" or "Communist" or"soldier" or "enemy" or any of those categories. Just-a-man who cared for just-a-woman for just-a-time more than anything else.

Here's to you, Nicolai Pestretsov, wherever you may go and be, for giving powerful meaning to the promises that are the same everywhere; for dignifying that covenant that is the same in any language "for better or for worse, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love and honor and cherish unto death, so help me G-d. " You kept the faith; kept it bright„kept it shining. Bless you!

           (Oh, the Russians are a rotten lot, immoral, aggressive, ruthless, coarse, and general evil. They are responsible for most of the troubles of this world. They are not like us.) 

Peas,

Jason

Are you SURE?

Remember...the target IS the bulls-eye.

Should I take the job or not?

Is he/she “the one”?

Should we have attacked Libya?

Paper or Plastic?

In this latest, “greatest” modern age of ours, there is an awful lot of preoccupation with doing the “right thing”.  Have you noticed that?  It’s about “getting it right” all the time; inevitably, such short sightedness leads down some pretty dark paths.

This blog is about the laziness of indecision…the fine line between caution and impotence…the paralysis that results from over-analysis.

Life is not lived in the margins.  The world is not a “safe” place.  NOTHING is certain.  After all, plenty of people don’t pay taxes and there are 8 billion people right now disproving the theory that everyone dies.

For as many ways information has helped advance the human condition, it has hindered as much human ambition.  People won’t see a movie, frequent a new restaurant or check into a hotel unless their “favorite” web sites give them the thumbs up.

People are debating furiously about the decisions made by their leaders.  A healthy debate is always a good thing.  Conversely, a leader is only a leader when LEADING.  Engaging the thoughts of others does not absolve ANYONE…the President, religious leaders, a parent, a soldier – ANYONE from the galvanizing moment when you must take action.

Results are a carefully concocted mixture of conception, forethought, planning, practice, execution and determination…followed by reflection and observation.  Somewhere along this process in life, we are all confronted with the naysayers, curmudgeons, ne’er do wells and faux sophists who live life trying to steal second base with one foot planted on first.

The price we pay for this culture of slipshod attendance to the task at hand is second rate people in leadership positions, or first rate leaders who lose their boldness in the haze of desire for public acceptance.

The saying goes “do what is right, not expedient and forever wash your mind of all compromise”.  This rings so deeply and truly because it is MUCH more important to compromise with others than yourself.  After all, you’re the only “you” that you’ve got.

People agonize over dating, engaging and marrying the right person, yet the divorce rate grows ever higher each year.  They comb the ratings for the safest new cars, only to get the recall notices the year after.

As Jimmy Buffet so eloquently stated: “indecision may or may not be my problem”.

I would put these two questions to you – the reader:

1)      How much of your current life is a result of a preconceived plan of your own?

2)      How many of the plans you made in younger years actually came to be?

Exactly.  I thought so.

The real question remains…would you change it and have things any other way?

The ability to thrust yourself in to the unknown that is every breath in the gift of life is a direct reflection on your self-confidence…NOT your confidence in the environment, circumstances or fate.

You.

Just you.

So it is for a person, and so it should be for a group.

We (the USA) are now engaged in three major military conflicts halfway across the world.  More than half a century later, we are a major presence in German, Japan, Korea and a dozen other countries where we have made war of one kind or another.

Were those involvements “right”, “safe”, or “victorious”?  History alone may judge; and still we will never know.

Doing the right thing seldom comes with a medallion, certificate of achievement or promotion.  It is in those moments when we do what is right because we KNOW it is right to US…our OWN selves – that we take shape as individuals.  Yes, this shape will come with peaks and valleys as all life does.  Better to live the life of your own design and choice than one cobbled from the formless fog of public acceptance.

I keep up with the life choices of my friends and loved ones (ok, they’re the same people) through modern technology every day.  I am amazed at the diverse paths they have all taken.  Some have gone down the road they predicted in personal and professional affairs with scant apparent deviance from their designs of yesterday.  Others have zigged and zagged – tacking with the wind and riding the swells as the tide allows.

I wish all of them…and those friends I have yet to meet the best of conditions for their personal choices and the journeys which follow.

As Willie Wonka said “All I ask is a tall ship and a star to sail her by”.  That’s about as specific a map as I want.

Live it.

Own it.

It’s yours.

Decide.

Peas,

J

The gospel according to Pink Floyd...

I wasn't a Pink Floyd fan in high school.  I figured it was mindless druggie music and went back to my oh-so-harmless Billy Joel and James Taylor (since they were pure as the driven snow).  It's amazing the things you thought about as a teen ager and what those thoughts look like now.

A friend tricked me into listening to the song "Wish you were here" when I was in college - and I've never looked back.

Today's blog is not an ode to Pink Floyd, though.  It's about an idea that was explained to me by another friend a few years later.  The message contained in the song "On the Turning Away".

The fact that so many businesses are closing these days and that so many Americans are out of work is disturbing enough.  Virtually every statistical model points to this situation getting much worse before it gets better.  The more troubling idea is not the number of people affected...but the seeming indifference of those who are unaffected.

It also applies to the abused, the infirm, the disabled (if that term isn't PC enough I apologize) and the elderly.

When one of us suffers...we ALL suffer.

Here are some lyrics from "On the Turning Away":

On the turning away
From the pale and downtrodden
And the words they say
Which we won't understand
"Don't accept that what's happening
Is just a case of others' suffering
Or you'll find that you're joining in
The turning away"
 How many times do people walk past those asking for a few coins in the street, convincing themselves as quickly as possible that the person they've just ignored was "scamming", "going to use the money for booze or drugs", or "probably the richest guy on the block".  Chances are...they weren't any of those things.  What you can be 100% sure of is the fact that the person was just that...a PERSON.  With a STORY.  With a FAMILY somewhere.  Handing over a few cents won't change your life situation (most likely).  The lyrics explain that we "don't understand".  Most people are not too far from a situation where others have lost their means of support - how much do you really know about it, though?

It's a sin that somehow
Light is changing to shadow
And casting it's shroud
Over all we have known
Unaware how the ranks have grown
Driven on by a heart of stone
We could find that we're all alone
In the dream of the proud

We are in a condition nowadays where the segment of our society that has gone from "light" into "shadow" is growing faster than our consciousness will allow us to comprehend.  It's as if the people still above the waterline give now though to the hole in the hull of the ship simply because their feet aren't wet.  As some hearts grow harder, the pride that makes such indifference possible threatens us all.  The percentages being announced every so often aren't just numbers.  They are people.  Real people with real problems that are part of OUR experience.  OUR dna.  

On the wings of the night
As the daytime is stirring
Where the speechless unite
In a silent accord
Using words you will find are strange
And mesmerized as they light the flame
Feel the new wind of change
On the wings of the night 

Who are the flame lighters?  It has always been innovators with bottomless hearts that make America special.  When those hearts cease to feel the chill from the coldness in another person's life...we're in trouble from a philosophical AND actual standpoint.  How we treat others establishes our moral foothold.  1.35 million American children are currently homeless.  The collateral damage from this condition would astound you.  Since they travel so frequently, their school records don't get sent with them quickly enough to register in school.  They get deprived of educational opportunities which will hinder their ability to contribute later on.  This creates a work force of under qualified people which worsens the productive climate for us all.  This spiral has been going on for a couple of decades in earnest, and you see the result in clerks who cannot make change - just for a start.

No more turning away
From the weak and the weary
No more turning away
From the coldness inside
Just a world that we all must share
It's not enough just to stand and stare
Is it only a dream that there'll be
No more turning away?

Why must is be this way?  The answer is that it DOESN'T have to be this way.  You have holidays coming this season?  So do I.  My G-d sends a lesson along that we must help each other when we can with whatever we can.  The same lesson was also taught to me and driven home by my father, my Rabbi, my brothers and sister, my wife, my children, my friends, my neighbors (the one down the street with that snowblower really comes to mind) and my seventh grade teacher...just to name a few.

When asked about his communal village (the Hindi word is "Ashram"), Gandhi said that it's simply a place where we can look after each other.  He went on to explain the word "Ashram" can stand for a village, a home, or even the world.

This may be the season of miracles to many.  To me, every waking moment is a season of miracles, and every other person is a member of my village.  I will do what I can, where I am, for whoever needs it - to the best degree and depth I can muster.

"A person may cause evil to others not only by his actions but by his inaction" - John Stuart Mill

 

I've always believed what we do for ourselves provides momentary pleasure - but what we do for others extends the boundaries of the Universe farther into infinity.

Peas,

J

PS - Next blog will layout the corrective action needed to fix the entire world economy.  It's not really that complicated.

How long am I supposed to stare at it, anyway?

I was inspired by my friend Evie to write a blog about art.  I pumped out about 500 words...then deleted it.  I had Lewis Black in my ear, and he inspired me to write funny stuff.

Sorry, Evie.

Some thoughts for today...

When you meet someone, most often there will be a handshake and a "nice to meet you".  How can you tell?  Maybe we should say just "meet you", or "we'll see how this goes, ok?"  No need to commit right there...some of the people are not going to make the cut, you dig?

Don't ask me if I have an email address.  I do.  You know how you can tell?  Because my daughter's hermit crab has one.  Every man, woman and child has an email address.  You can ask me if I have a pancreas, but the email you can assume.

If you're out walking for "excercise", and you're doing it at a pace that allows you to drink coffee, text message, play Haydn's Cello Concerto in D, do your taxes and crochet a full scale model of Stonehenge at the same time...YOU'RE NOT EXERCISING YOU DOPE!

If the cough drop you're sucking on tastes like crap, it's working.  If it's tasty, you might as well have taken a life saver.  If they could have made Halls' taste good, they would have.  The stuff that makes Halls' taste like furniture polish IS the stuff that soothes.  Deal with it.

They put lemon juice in bleach.  Does this send a troubling message...especially to Marilyn Quayle?

Whatever happened to Juice Newton?  Sure...go ahead and laugh - but you're going to Google it; we both KNOW you are.

There are no (read ZERO) openly gay men in the NFL.  Heh, heh, heh.  Ok, macho dudes.  Let's do some math.  The most conservative (interesting use of that word) estimate pegs the US male population at 2-3% gay.  There are 1696 active players in the NFL.  Add practice squads, coaches, etc. and you're at just over 2000.  2% would be 40 people.  That's more than 1 per team.  Land of the free?  Yeah, right.

I remember when MTV had music on it.

Have you ever stared directly into a light bulb and wondered when the dot in front of you was going to go away?

Now for some Microwave oven reminders in the name of world peace:

1)  Why would you put that food in for 3 minutes, only to press the "stop" button with 4 seconds left?  Was there some psychic bond you had with that frozen pizza that told you the box was only 99.2% correct?
2)  Who the hell knows how many watts the oven is?  What do I look like, Stephen Hawking?
3)  Are you so lazy that your food only cooked for the following intervals: 1:11, 2:22,3:33,4:44...I know I am.  You want me to move my finger ALL THE WAY from the 1 to the 3 and THEN to the ZERO!  Are you nuts?
4)  Excuse me, sir...but since you decided to put that tomato consomme in until Washington, D.C. elects a Republican Mayor, would you mind cleaning the inside of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre you just left behind for me?
5)  I'm sure you have a very good technique for microwaving beef...just don't serve it to humans
6) Don't microwave leaves.  Trust me on this.  If you doubt it so much that you HAVE to try it, I suggest having some Yankee Candles (the 30 hr. kind) around for afterward, or your kitchen will smell like Kazakhstan.

If you were George Clooney, you wouldn't get married, either.

What to do with all these VHS tapes....

I watched the video of Paul McCartney's initial reaction to the news of John Lennon's death.  I'm not saying they were distant, but Sir Paul looked like he was the one that did it.

I hope we're ready to watch a Chinese person walk on the moon.  They'll be there very soon.  Judging from the way the US reacts at the Olympics, it's not going to be a pretty sight 'round these parts.  What are we going to say..."at least we still have CSI!"  Yeesh.

Wouldn't it be cool if you were allowed to take the cell phone away from the cashier you're waiting for, and sell it on ebay?

I don't think Ashton Kutcher has any interest in winning an Oscar, do you?

They have pull strings in all the trunks of new cars these days, just in case you get locked in there.  Ummm...how the hell would you know where it was?  In a dark trunk, I might be tugging on my shoelace all the way to the evil hideout of Dr. No.

"Please hold...your call is very important to us"  Wow, if the "very important" calls get placed on hold, what do you do with the ones you don't really care about?

There must be something useful to do with avocado pits, old computer monitors, the plastic air cushions they pack stuff in, and David Letterman.

They sell some stuff at the 24 hour Quick Mart that I just don't see getting bought.  Car Wax?  At 3am?  Nah.

Have you ever sat down on a toilet seat, and discovered it was NOT the seat, but the toilet?  You immediately get the urge to molt.

There are more gun homicides in the USA than the entire rest of the world COMBINED.  Um, wow.

You stand a better chance of being elected to the US Senate than shot in Japan.

Yes, I know what they do to veal.  It's about as cool as what they do to whatever it is that you're eating.  What do you think they do to chickens...wine them and dine them, take them for a canoe ride with a parasol, and eat truffles?

That cool black stuff you just put on your driveway just makes it darker...it doesn't really help anything...but it is nice.

What if the President of Iran announced they had nuclear missiles, and showed one on TV being test launched 1000 miles?  DO you know how many countries DO have them?  Hint: It's more than you think.

Peas,

J

Since you asked...here's how I lost 127 pounds.

Jason Herman’s Laws of Weight Loss and Maintenance

1)       You have only one way to take in calories, but many ways to get rid of them

2)       Your food day should begin as quickly as possible and end as quickly as possible, and comprise no more than 75% of you awake time – with the bulk of the time being left before you go to sleep.  Going to sleep hungry is the goal.  You don’t need fuel to sleep.  Sleep happens anyway.

3)       The more things that went into the food, the more time it takes to get rid of the food, which is why a twinkie takes more time to burn than an apple

4)       Your body burns calories by burning calories, so keep eating healthy small portions all day long.  So if you bring digestion to a halt, your body’s burning engine slows down, and the calories get stored for who-knows-when instead of burned.

5)       You do not need an appetizer.  The appetizer for dinner is commonly referred to as lunch.  Appetizers are the worst disguised hidden calories you have ever seen.

6)       You do not need dessert.  If you do, it had better be the type of naturally sweet sugar that tells your stomach the meal is over, rather than the flour-based, complex carbs that clog your digestive machine

7)       Water is vital, not only to replenish the fluids in your body, but to keep the highway of digestion moving.  If food can’t get washed away, it stays for days.

8)       People that complain about exercising are usually those people who do NO exercise, rather than just a little.  Even a little exercising is good, but most people do a lot – or none at all.

9)       Sweating is one way that your body loses calories.  If you’re not sweating, you’re not getting the most benefit from your exercise.  You need to sweat to exercise.  That being said, for someone sitting on the couch, even walking to the mailbox provides at least some useful physical exertion.

10)   The scale you’re stepping on is a tool.  Like any tool, it can be used for progress, information, and assistance with a project.  It can also be used poorly, and provide misinformation, stress, and worry.  If you use the scale as a day-to-day path marker along the much longer journey of weight management success.  If you use it as a day-to-day harbinger of doom and gloom which is really just normal weight fluctuation, you will abandon your good habits and resort to emotional rather than rational caloric intake and consumption.

11)   An important equation to remember is that an average person can consume calories at a rate 10 times faster (or more) than they can exercise.  You need to make this the law that you live by to almost a religious significance.  Running one mile might burn the average person 100 calories and take 10 minutes, but eating a 750 calorie Big Mac takes only 5 minutes.  Do this three times in one week (3 burgers, 3 miles run) and you’re in the hole for almost 2000 calories, which is almost one pound gained.

12)   If you’re a person that needs to exercise (which is everyone), you must understand and appreciate how the fuel (food) that you eat, will be burned.  If you eat poor burning foods, you’ll have a poor exercise experience.  If you eat good fuel, you’ll get a clean burn.  This is why some people have poor exercise experiences, even though their technique is sound.

13)   If you want to eat at a buffet, understand that the merit of a buffet should be that you choose an interesting variety of foods on the same size portion plate as normal, not extending the amount of portion plates past where you would/should be.  You may be getting more bang for your buck, but you are going to pay for it eventually.  The less you pay for the food in dollars, the more you’ll wind up paying in health and fitness.

14)   Science has claimed a genetic predisposition to obesity.  Then again, science also told us at one point the world was flat, the sound barrier could not be broken, and that a person could not be transported and retrieved from the moon.  Science might want to give a thought to fat parents passing on their poor dietary and fitness habits to their children.  Transference of poor habits from one generation to another does not constitute a genetic link.

15)   Do not consume poison, or foods that can be directly traced to poison.

16)   It is possible to consume 5000 calories a day worth of broccoli.  Therefore, how much you eat is just as important as what you eat.  Know portion sizes of everything, no exceptions.  You are what you eat AND how much you eat.  This is the critical failing of the past 50 years in US fitness decline. These two have been separated.

17)   Just as fat people visualize and suffer from the vision of foods, fit people benefit from visualizing exercise and health and longevity.

18)   It’s a never ending cycle.  Look bad, give up, look worse.  Are you moving this way, or that.

19)   Beware of hidden calories, and take advantage of hidden exercise opportunities.  Hidden calories in condiments, sauces, dressings, soups, bottled drinks (energy, alcohol, soft drinks, smoothies, coffees).  Good burn opportunities include parking further away, dancing, celebrating outdoors, standing up instead of sitting, taking a nap.

20)   Instead of treating yourself to that ice cream Sunday, reward yourself with fitness, a book, or a house cleaning.  Don’t offset a good event with bad fitness behavior, and don’t make bad situations worse by compounding the event with poor nutrition.

21)   Understand the difference between what you WANT and what you NEED…or else

22)   Changing your diet won’t matter if you don’t change your mind

If you would like me to email this to you, just ask...

Why I grow all my own food...

You didn't actually think I grew my own food, did you?  Have you ever met me?  I don't have the patience to pick produce - much less grow it.  I have less patience than Charlie Sheen at a massage parlor.

I bought one of those upside-down planters, but that's another story for another blog.

Anyway, this article is about the oddest place I go on a daily basis...the SUPERMARKET.

First of all, I'm almost 42 and don't know what the proper title is; grocery store, food store, supermarket, market, food market...what's the protocol?  Most people these days just punt and say the name of the store.  It's more confusing than the new Afghan Constitution.  You have READ it, right?  I mean, you paid for it, you might as well have a copy.

Now let's talk about parking.  The parking lot used to be so simple back in the days of Duran Duran, $2.00 per gallon gas, and the Soviet Union - you know, when Gerry Brown was California Governor and...what...he WHAT?!  They did WHAT!  Oh, well...anyway...back to the parking lot.  When I was a kid, you got out of your car, walked into the store - and shopped.  How about that?

No, no, no...not so fast.  You're not a consumer anymore, you're also an EMPLOYEE!  Go to the "cart corral" and get your wagon, then bring it to the store.  By the way, the handy cart corrals remove 4 spots from the parking area.  They take up more space than Roseanne Barr sitting in her daughters chair on back to school night.  They've also taken up an additional 4 (yes...FOUR!) for the new "fast lane", whereby people place their grocery orders online, then just drive through to get their groceries.  Huh?  What?  We're doing that online, too?  Pretty soon you won't have to leave the couch for anything!  You can get your Playstation to spit out a grilled cheese, then download your Lipitor later on.

Finally, you make it to the curb.  Go inside?  Are you Pine Nuts?!?  First you have to dodge the seasonal flower displays, lawn furniture, smoking employees (ignoring you), windshield cleaning fluid, rock salt/ice melter, plastic bag recycling center, hand sanitizer, cart disinfecting wipes and make it through the automatic door.  By the way, is there a longer period of time in the world than when you realize you've walked across the pressure mat and are standing 2 micrometers from the door (which says DO NOT ENTER) - and when you go off the mat and through the correct door?  It's more embarrassing than being the only one who didn't know it was Daylight Saving Time...in the WHOLE COUNTRY.

Finally inside, and to the produce section...since the "good stuff" is all WAYYYYY in the back.  Or, should I say the "who eats this garbage?" section.  Star fruit?  Jicama? Stalks of sugar cane?  Citron?  I need to inform the manager that cucumbers don't really need 3/4 of an inch of wax.  Those things have more wax than alley 6 at the Waukegan, Illinois Roll-a-Bowl.  I know it's winter, but I'm not spending $6 for a package of strawberries no matter where they're from.  Have you noticed that you can NEVER buy the right number of bananas?  They usually spoil in the car on the way home from the store.  Even if you are lucky to get them home, by morning they turn darker than Dick Cheney's soul and stink up the joint.  We don't need 17 different kinds of tomatoes, for G-DS SAKE!  Vine ripened, grape, hot house (whatever that means), plum , greenhouse, heirloom, cherry, ugli, tomatillo, yellow, AUGGGGHHHH!!!  That brings up the worst offenders...apples - you know the drill: Red delicious, golden delicious, mcintosh, braeburn, pink lady, honeycrisp, cameo, cortland, empire, fuji, granny smith, gala, rome...I sort of envy the Cubans who don't have to worry about variety.  Ok, maybe totalitarianism is not the best trade off for produce convenience, but still...Oh, one more nugget from the produce department...WASH THE LETTUCE...EVEN IF IT CAME IN A PRE-CUT YUPPIE BAG.  I've known people from Honduras that pick that stuff.  Trust me.  Wash it.  Wash it all.  Twice.

On to the deli counter!  I'm beginning to think this will be a several part blog series...too much going on at the ol' market.  In years gone by, there was a number-taker thingee (not an industry term) which would let us all know who's next.  Not anymore.  I have no idea why, but I suspect someone could get a PhD in sociology watching the people at the deli counter give the "I think I'm next but avoid confrontation like AC Cowlings driving a white Ford Bronco on the LA Freeway" look.  So some brave soul steps forward.  The clerk (innocently) asks "What would you like"?  "Ham", he says.  HAM!  HAM!  Are you serious?  That's it?  HAM!

Clerk (C) : What kind of ham?

Clueless Customer (CC) : What do you have?

C :Domestic, spiced, cured, aged, sugar cured, honey, low sodium, black forest, fat free (huh?), Genoa, chopped -

CC : Domestic

C : What brand?

CC : What do you have?

C : D&W, Kunzler, Esskay, House, Boars Head - 

CC : What's on sale?

C : House

CC : Is it good?

C : Yes.

CC : Ok, I'll take that (obviously due to the clever sales pitch)

C : How much?

CC : How 'bout a half pound? (Why be assertive now, right?)

C : Works for me.  (I still don't know what that means)

Hey, Mr. Hawking...did you happen to notice the fact that the entire deli counter is encased in GLASS!  GLASS!   You had 6 minutes to put down your Droid and pick out your sliced flesh...but did you? NO!  You waited with all the intensity and drive of a tenured, union member motor vehicle counter clerk on Zoloft  4 minutes before a liberal leave day.

And, by the way - that ham isn't on sale because they like you.  It's the worst garbage they had too much of (heh, heh, heh).

Next entry - Meat/Poultry/Seafood and Health & Beauty aids!

You see, it's not all politics.

Remember, better to curse the candle than light the darkness.

Peas,

J